I suspect that at least a few gay women actually have made attempts at “making a move” and romance with my friend, but not in the manner she’d been conditioned to understand.Conversely, many of my lesbian friends have complained of bi women disappearing after a few dates, or “ghosting”, as it’s called these days.I can’t help but wonder how many bisexual women do this simply because they don’t believe — or haven’t even noticed that — the other woman is actually interested.Both parties then go their separate ways, bemoaning what seems like a lost cause.“There are more straight men out there then gay women; simple math tells us that a bisexual woman is more likely to end up with a man than another woman.”The above point is frequently cited in an attempt to explain why so few bi and lesbian pairs exist.I have personally seen this in action several times, as many polyamorous men have been all too excited for me to date their wife or girlfriend, only to suddenly refuse when I disclose that I am transgender.(See: The “One Penis Per Party Rule” as applied to polyamory: https://sexgeek.wordpress.com/2013/01/24/theproblemwithpolynormativity/ )It isn’t difficult to imagine that most gay women have internalized some of these awful messages, and it’s even less difficult to imagine the resultant feelings of insecurity regarding their sexual power or agency.)My relationships with gay women, on the other hand, have felt much more egalitarian to me.
The gay women I’ve dated don’t expect me to perform romance as a man would, because their relationships have never or rarely included men, and as a result they’ve created their own version of what romance looks like.
As a bisexual woman myself, I can’t deny that something about this stereotype that rings true; bi women do seem to romantically engage, or “end up” with men far more often than with woman.
But is this really because we prefer a life of white-picket simplicity and comfort?
I spent the first two decades of my life living as a closeted trans woman — a bisexual male to the outside world.2.
I have since transitioned, and now live as a bisexual woman.